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Despite 2 very disappointing weeks the boys arrived on Saturday in confident spirits with our eyes on turning things around with a much needed win.

Pre match chat largely focused on the excellent work that took place the previous Saturday evening as Messrs Quinn, Parkin, Jox & Winters drowned their sorrows in Clapham. One very piss covered teddy bear and a full week in the dog house later it was time for Winters and the boys to get back to business.

The game plan was simple. Do not concede 2 in the first 5 minutes. Try and move the ball around on the floor. Be patient. Take our chances when they come.









So the game began and considering previous results Merton started the game very well, confidently moving the ball around the pitch with everyone keen to get a touch and get involved. Lots of possession but we were perhaps guilty of not trying to move the ball forward when we had chances to. That said we looked good and in control of the match………

Well we were that is until a long ball up to their number 9 who for the first and possibly only time all game decided after taking a touch to stay on his feet. The striker then bumbled through into the box and was in on goal. Dunc the closest man made a valiant attempt to get around the man and win the ball. The ref saw the challenge as a foul and awarded Southwark a penalty. In all honesty don’t know if it was a pen or not.

One man who most certainly did not think it was a pen was Anst who let the ref (Jordan) know about it. Jordan was not having any of it having already had a few earfuls from his new mate Chris regarding the strikers consistent diving and a foul on Merton's Part Time Doctor which vaguely resembled the challenge for which a pen was given against Danny a few weeks ago. The shout of ‘what about that pen 2 weeks ago ref’ was greeted with a ‘you’ve got to let it go Chris’ from young Jordan.

Penalty was taken. Wasn’t a great pen Ethon went the right way and was a bit unlucky not to keep it out. Had the taker hit it better strangely Ethon might well have kept it out but the slight cuff took it under him and into the back of the net. 0-1.

Team spirit after that was superb. Heads straight back on the task at hand. No panic no change of style we had been the better side and continued to play that way. Not sure exactly how long after the pen but it certainly wasn’t long before Dan got the ball on the edge of the box…. One touch and a great hit into the top corner. The keeper tried to keep it out however he had accidentally left his hands at home and was instead playing with 2 pieces of pitta bread at the end of his wrists. Straight through the ball went and Merton were back in it. 1-1.

Some other stuff of no particular note happened and before we knew it we were at half time.

Second half got underway after a seemingly massive break with Merton once again in control of

proceedings and then it happened.

From where I was a foul from their centre back (who reminded me a bit of a really ugly version of

Channing Tatum from the film Step Up) on Winters led to all hell breaking loose. Danny unhappy with the foul which in itself supposedly was red-worthy showed his displeasure. Number 4 clearly short of a brain cell then lost his shit. A pile in followed with HP8 jumping in to Danny's defence pushing their man away. Harry then displayed the sort of chin Antony Joshua would be proud to own as 4 swung a wild punch at his head. Rumours X Factor contestant Mason Noise had once wronged number 4 and this was a simple case of mistaken identity are unconfirmed. The punch caught HP8 somewhere on the left earlobe… Harry literally walked through it. Admirable!

Jordan was right there for the incident and the inevitable followed. RED CARD. Somehow the other team managed to complain about this decision for around 5 minutes. Mongs. Mongs everywhere.

So with Merton a man up (again) we were intend to make it count this time. A change of shape saw Kyle replaced by Louis who joined Jox up top. Al replaced Winters. Dunc moved to CB with Anst. Aron to RB. KQ to left wing. Matt to RW. Merton were going to take on the 10 man Southwark playing 4 -4-FUCKING 2.

Well that was the plan anyway. This lasted for circa 10 minutes of sustained Merton pressure before a hopeful punt long saw their winger race through on goal. Aron went in shoulder to shoulder with the man and was too strong knocking their man to the floor. Dunc was in line with Aron so the judgement that Aron was last man was EXTREMELY HARSH. However that is exactly what Jordan decided had happened and he showed Aron the red. 10 vs. 10.

Chances at both ends followed and before we knew it the game was drawing to an end. With

around 30 seconds left Dunc picked up the ball at CB got his head up pinged a great ball over their defence for Jox to get after. Jox obliged reaching the ball ahead of their defenders and a great first touch took him away from the defenders and drew the keeper out. Jox then with seconds left on the clox tucked it past the keeper and into the net. SCENES

Last minute winners are fucking superb. Elation followed. The entire team ran to celebrate with Jox and rightly so. Great composure and quality from Dunc with the pass and Jox did the rest. Well done boys. Final whistle. Merton took the win 2-1.

At this point I realise I have missed Kyle getting nutmegged. I don’t remember when it was or by who but it happened and thus should be accurately recorded in this match report.

To the Kings Head where the boys celebrated in style. I treated myself to a sprite, a Fanta and a pint. I wasn’t thinking straight I was off my head with the jubilation of the last minute win and no one could stop me. Pub chat was fairly usual we watched the end of soccer Saturday including another last minute goal for the Hammers. A really great day for myself with the jubilation of our last minute win further increased thanks to Winston Reid. The only man happier than we was Anst who had Hammers in LMS.

Jox then ordered a burger and chips. The chips were as pale and lifeless as anything I have ever seen leading to us trying to accurately describe their appearance. I compared them to Darnell from Big Brother but was sadly unable to define Darnell with the accurate term for his medical condition. I opened the floor. HP8, Dom Hague and Aron joined me in what became the most frustrating hour of our lives. Certainly Dom's life. Finally with the help of Alberto Moreno and West Bromwich A L B I O N the boys steadily remembered that Darnell is of course an A L B I N O. Long live Albino Moreno.

3 points for Merton. Back on the charge in the league. ‘What a time to be alive’.

Manager's Note:

In the end the perfect tonic and exactly what we needed. Performance was good and despite Southwark having their chances, we had several as well so probably deserved the 3 points. Harry, Dom, Kyle, Anst, Louis and Jox all going close at various stages of the game.

There were MOM votes for Harry, Jox, Quinno and Dom but clear winner was Big Dunc, well played mate. Very calm on the ball and excellent assist to cap a top day. The man celebrated with a few beers, then a curry with Anst, Al, Aron and Louis followed by a few more beers and an uber ride home. This weekend was a pleasure fellas. Next two games are against struggling teams so let's get all over them and give them two hidings. Ruthless. MTID.


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